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| Pissed. |
| 04.06.04 (12:42 pm) [edit] |
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It really bothers me when my so-called friends don't tell me about shit. Shit like...going out with someone for a month, and not even planning on saying anything. What a great friendship. not. Sure, it makes me mad that the relationship is happening in the 1st place, but it's worse when you hear the news from someone elses mouth, when it should come from the "friend."
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| what a lovely day. |
| 04.05.04 (5:49 pm) [edit] |
Today was pretty bad. Well...1st period was cool. I got to see Katt and Corey. <3 You'd be surprised how dull life gts without Corey's goofy smile and Katt's random outbursts of song. It's great. Anyway, second period was interesting. I had no reason at all to be upset, but I just kinda sat there in a blank stare until the bell rang and brought me back to reality. It was kinda creepy. 3rd period was normal. I sat there and wrote a note to Katt like always. Then I managed to get 45 minutes of sleep. I didn't see Matt in the hallway on the way to biology, and that was enough to ruin my day. I'm completely parinoid, and I thought that maybe he was avoiding me. I wouldn't have blamed him really. After all that was said on thursday, I was kinda scared to see him too. I saw him after lunch on the stairs. He didn't say a word to me. He was talking to Rachel, but still. Multitask my ass. pft..>After school, i kinda just sat there by myself until Shaun came over and made me talk to people. Matt did ask me what was wrong, though. All I really wanted was a "hello".
Well...I'm gonna go and read Rachel's poem now.
<3>Jess
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| um..yeah. |
| 04.03.04 (8:08 pm) [edit] |
I'd follow the others and make a list of the things that "make me happy", but my list would be depressingly empty and boring.
Well...there is one thing that might make me happy right now. But I might start something by saying it. You know, this completely defeits the purpose of having a blog. I can't say what I want because I dont want to hurt anyone else. I can't decide whether that's being conciderate, or being stupid.
Theres a tiny little fly on top of my computer. A normal person would shoo it away, but i'm enjoying it's company.
I'd better get back to doing nothing.
Jess
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| pointless |
| 04.03.04 (2:44 pm) [edit] |
Suddenly i'm feeling...not so happy. I knew it wouldn't last forever. I'm just...bummed out about alot of things right now. This was pointless. God..
Jess
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| lalala |
| 04.03.04 (9:30 am) [edit] |
The best thing or the worst thing ever happend last night. I can't decide. But...I couldn't sleep 'cause I was so happy.
oh, and i fought it last night. I had the razor in my hand & everything. Right now, it patiently waiting for me over on that table along with the 4 and a half page poem I wrote last night.
We now officially have a pool in our backyard. It's...huge. Bigger than I expected.
I s'pose i'll have to heal up my hip for awile so i'll actually get in.
I'm so happy today. truly happy. I can't wait for school. I miss everyone, even if they could care less about me. uck...but that dumb ass counselor says she's gonna talk to me again after spring break. I hate her. She's a bitch.
okay. i dont wanna go afterall. :)
Love Always,
Jess
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| ... |
| 04.02.04 (12:10 pm) [edit] |
All the stuff Rachel and I did last night kinda reminded me of when I used to stay the night at Cate's, and her mom would come into her room and give Cate a kiss and tell her that she loved her. Then she would come over to me and do the same. I guess I remember it so much 'cause that never happens at my house.
And...like always...that was random.
I dunno. I'm like..really depressed right now.
Jess
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| Stick it to the man |
| 04.02.04 (3:42 am) [edit] |
OMG me and Rachel had soooooo much fun last night! We NEVER went to bed. We are completely wired.
Okay. List of things we did last night/this morning.
1. Rachel comes over
2. Talked online.
3. Went around our neighborhoods and took random pictures.
4. Rachel played a bass for the 1st time. She rocks. <3>5. we played for like....forever.
6. Ate mc. donalds
7. Played more guitar. (& talked online.)
8.Completely fixed up my basement. It's awesome now.
9. Played more guitar. Started writing a song.
10. Watched School Of Rock. (cutest movie ever)
11. Watched the sun come up.
12. More guitar. (right now.)
So much fun...
Rachel just asked me if I would still talked to her if she played the banjo.
OOO!! and while we were online, we were lookin' at guitars, and we found this one, and it's black with white polka dots.
I talked to Matt for awile. He formally appologized for all the things he said to me in the past, and he told me that it meant alot to him that I thought so highly of him. I really like him, and I really dont care who it bothers anymore. I just dont. Rachel (Steckler) understands, and doesn't constantly get on me about it. I jsut wish that my other "friends" would be as supportive. It'd be nice.
**Next school year is gonna rock.!!**
[b]Stick it to the man![/b]
Rachel's been playin that "G-String" all night. lol.
ooo! Rachel played the song! <333>
Oh, and I met this awesome gilr, Lorrie in the Recover Your Life group. She IM'd me & we haven't stoped talking since. She's awesome.
I'm gonna go.
Love always,
"Rocky"
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| Pathetic |
| 04.01.04 (9:43 pm) [edit] |
Talkin to Matt right now.
He's making me feel special somehow right now. I'm just gonna shut up before I start anything.
I feel like crying.
I feel...musical.
I feel half loved.
I feel flirtatious.
I feel poetic.
I feel broken hearted.
I feel helpless.
I feel stupid.
I dunno. I'm pathetic.
I miss my old life, ya know?
I had so many dreams.
Now...they all seem so hard to acheive.
Whatever. I've moved on. All my childhood fantasies are in a haze now. I'm NOT a child anymore. I need to move on. okay...that was random.
Alright, I need to quit rambling & continue writing this song. <3 i'm feeling creative.>
Love Always,
"Rocky"
ps. To anyone I may have offended during this entry. Forgive me. At least try.
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| lalalala |
| 04.01.04 (10:23 am) [edit] |
Since it bothers so many people that i've got a little crush on Matt, i'm just gonna shut up about him and move on. Well...not really, but i'll make it look that way.
It just pisses me off. He is JUST ANOTHER GUY. It just so happens that Cate went out with him, and Rachel is currently. SO WHAT? I can't like him 'cause my friends do? I think thats dumb.
M..o..v..i..n..g o..n.......
Nicole's on. Prepare for a cat fight between her and Cole. It happens everyday almost. Kinda stupid...but amusing.
Marissa really needs to get on. Not talking to her for a month is...heartbreaking. She'll always be my peppermint lifesavor, even if she's never online when I need her.
Well...Cate's at the zoo, Rachel's probably sleeping, The other Rachel is probably walkin' in circles around her house waiting to talk to Matt, Katt's most likely fighting with her mom or something, and i'm here. Alone. Like usual. Dude...I am so feeling sorry for myself. Oh well. I'm good at it.
Love always,
"Rocky"
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| Obsession |
| 03.31.04 (11:04 pm) [edit] |
Rachel seems to think that i'm obsessed with Matt. I'm not. Seriously. I just like him. Alot...
Just his name depresses me now. I hate his name. I hate seeing him everyday. I hate it 'cause I love it so much...if that doesn't sound creepy to you...I love you.
Love Always...
Jess
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| Hello. |
| 03.31.04 (10:32 pm) [edit] |
Guess what!!! I have nothing to say...
Goodnight.
WAIT!!
I might have a few pointless things to say.
I'm talkin' to Cole, and Rachel C. right now.
I'm also listening to the Guns N Roses Greatest Hits CD. lol. Good stuff. Axl....you rock. And in the words of Cate..."I'd do him."
Love Always,
Jess
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